


Two Man Team Day

by Ytteb



Category: NCIS
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 19:48:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5714953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ytteb/pseuds/Ytteb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We all know that Gibbs and Tony used to be a two man team. What happens now on those days when they are the only ones working in the squad room? Not quite what you might expect. Very little plot but lots of silliness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Man Team Day

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs was alone in the squad room at NCIS when the phone rang,

"Gibbs."

"Ah, Boss. DiNozzo here. I'm at the coffee shop. Just checking what I should get."

"Two man team today, DiNozzo," came the brief reply.

"On it, Boss," said Tony, "on it."

A few minutes later, Tony arrived with the coffee order.

"So," he said, "Ziva's actually gone to that seminar at Quantico?"

"Yep," said Gibbs inscrutably.

"A whole day learning about Navy rules and regulations," said Tony thoughtfully.

"With special attention to the wearing of ceremonial dress and medals," added Gibbs.

"I'd almost like to be there to see it," said Tony.

"If you really want to …" began Gibbs.

"No, no, that's fine. I'll just use my imagination," said Tony hastily, "and McGee? Where is our M.I.T. maestro on this fine day?"

"Called in sick," said Gibbs.

"Not surprising after all that dumpster diving you had him do yesterday."

" _Me?_ " said Gibbs with a raised eyebrow.

"All right, that  _we_  had him do," acknowledged Tony.

He took his coat off and then handed Gibbs his coffee.

"Hmmm," Gibbs sniffed appreciatively, "smells like …"

"Full fat latte with one shot of caramel, one shot of vanilla, extra sugar and whipped cream with marshmallows on top," said Tony proudly, "it's two-man-team day after all."

"Thanks, Tony. What have you got?"

"Double-double extra strong cortado with a top of ground coffee beans," sighed Tony happily.

"To two-man-team day", toasted Gibbs and they knocked their cups together. "Did you get any pastries?" asked Gibbs.

"Of course," said Tony, "for you, a selection of mini macarons and a few iced bear claws."

Gibbs closed his eyes for a moment in bliss, "you went to  _Patsy's Pastry Paradise_?" he said.

"It's two-man-team day," said Tony.

"And what have you got?" Gibbs asked.

"Biscotti," said Tony with a blissful expression on his face. He returned to his desk and, in between sips and chews, they both got on with some work.

"Tony?" asked Gibbs after about half an hour, "would you mind looking over these new regs that have come in about firearms proficiency?"

Tony looked up with a discontented look on his face but before he could say anything, Gibbs continued,

"I hate to ask but you've got a better eye for this than me and we don't want to get it wrong. Please?"

"Of course," said Tony, "it will be a pleasure. I'll do it after I finish writing this report."

"Thanks, Tony, I appreciate it," said Gibbs, "I'll make it up to you."

Tony nodded and bent his head back over his work. Another hour passed. Tony had finished his report and had looked over the new regs as requested by Gibbs and they had a useful discussion about how to implement the new directives. Gibbs' thoughts were beginning to turn to lunch when an email arrived in his inbox. He read it and smiled,

"Hey, Tony?"

"Yes, Boss?"

"There's a Feng Shui exhibition at the Calder Memorial Hall today. Do you want to go to it at lunchtime?"

Tony looked puzzled, "I thought you'd had the Feng Shui master over to advise about the  _Qi_  in your house," he said.

"I did," confirmed Gibbs, "but there's something not quite right about the basement. It still feels a bit oppressive. There seems to be some negative energy there."

"There's probably a beam pointing in the wrong direction," said Tony, "that'll be difficult to fix, Boss."

"Hmmm," agreed Gibbs, "but there may be a way round it. Perhaps I need to put something in to counteract the negative force."

"It's worth considering," said Tony, "so do we have to book for the exhibition?"

"Just let me go on to their website and check," said Gibbs. He tapped on his keyboard and brought up the site, "no," he said, "we can just turn up."

"Good," said Tony, "hey, I think a new restaurant has just opened up near the Calder Hall. Perhaps we could have lunch there?"

"What sort of food do they serve?"

"It's fruitarian," said Tony, " _The Adam and Eve"_.

"Is it organic?" asked Gibbs warily.

"Good point," said Tony, "I'll check. But if it's not we could go to one of the vegan bars. Which one do you prefer?  _Going Green_  or  _Earth Sprout_?"

"You choose," said Gibbs, "after all, you did that extra work this morning,"

"Thanks, Boss. But it's OK,  _The Adam and Eve_ is organic."

"We'll go there then," said Gibbs, "Ducky has been hinting I should eat a bit less red meat."

Gibbs and Tony left shortly afterwards for the exhibition and then lunch at the fruitarian restaurant. They returned in thoughtful mood. Tony was clutching a Peace Lily which he felt would help purify the air in his apartment and bolster an air of calm and serenity. Gibbs had bought some essential oils of peppermint and lemongrass which he hoped would help mitigate the negative energy lurking in his basement. Disappointingly  _Adam and Eve_  had had a long queue outside so Tony and Gibbs had gone to the  _Earth Sprout_ where they had shared a quinoa tabbouleh, a Japanese rice salad and, in memory of Kate, a tofu wrap.

"I feel better for that," said Tony.

"It's good to get in touch with one's spiritual side," mused Gibbs.

They looked up through the skylight where they could see fluffy white clouds skimming across a sky of perfect blue. They looked across at each other and smiled in a moment of perfect accord. They sighed,

"Want one of these macarons?" asked Gibbs, "or I've got a bear claw left."

"Thanks, Boss, that would be great. Would you like one of my biscotti?"

They shared the rest of the pastries between them and continued with their work.

Around 15.00 they had a visit from Ducky.

"Ah, Jethro, Anthony. I'm glad that you are here and not out apprehending dastardly felons."

"What can we do for you, Duck?" asked Jethro with a welcoming smile.

"Well, I hope I may be able to do something for  _you_ , my friends. I have just dispatched Mr Palmer on a rather long and complicated errand to Quantico and I fear he may well get lost."

"Don't worry," said Tony soothingly, "I've shown him how to use the Sat Nav and he's doing very well."

"Yes Anthony, I am aware of the tuition you have been giving my young assistant and he has improved immeasurably. I fear, however, that the Sat Nav is malfunctioning."

"You should report that to maintenance," said Gibbs.

"If you're worried, we could put a BOLO," offered Tony, "or we could go look for him."

"No, no," said Ducky with a hint of impatience, "I'm sure that won't be necessary."

"What makes you think the Sat Nav isn't working, Duck?" asked Gibbs.

"All these wires I pulled out of the back of it," said Ducky, producing a bundle of cables with a slightly shamefaced expression on his face. "Well, it is two-man-team day," he said, "that should be marked in some way."

Understanding dawned on Gibbs' and Tony's faces,

"What you got in mind, Duck?" asked Gibbs.

"Come down to Autopsy and see," said Ducky eagerly.

They followed him down to the morgue where, once they were in, Ducky set the red light to indicate that a hazardous autopsy was taking place. In the dimmed light they could see the glow of oil burners and wisps of aromatic smoke wafting upwards.

"Do sit down," said Ducky, gesturing towards a number of large squishy cushions on the floor. "I attended my aromatherapy class last evening and I've learned a new combination of scents designed to both stimulate and calm the senses".

Tony and Gibbs slid gracefully to the floor and effortlessly assumed lotus positions. Ducky sat cross legged on a tartan cushion but did not try to copy his younger co-workers' posture. After a few minutes, after they had all settled, Gibbs began to chant a mantra. As he fell into silence, Tony picked up the rhythm and then Ducky took over. They stayed like this for some time, performing a symphony of melodic sounds. To the outsider, it would not have been clear how they knew when one should stop and the other start but the three initiates seemed to have some telepathic understanding which was beautiful to behold.

They were interrupted, however, after about an hour by an angry tapping on the door. Tony and Gibbs were deep in their meditative trance so Ducky went to confront the intruder.

"Why, Director Vance!" he exclaimed, "What are you doing here?"

"I work here," said the Director pettishly, "and I thought you said that you would invite me the next time you had an aromatherapy session."

"My dear Leon," said Ducky, "there has been some sort of misunderstanding. I asked your delightful assistant if you had any free time this afternoon but she said you were fully engaged. I had intended to invite you but thought you had no spare time."

The Director looked a little flustered and Gibbs, who had emerged from his trance, said, "Blocked out the afternoon to read comics again, did you, Leon?"

"That doesn't matter now," said Ducky pacifically, "I fear you are too late for the meditation session, Leon. I really don't recommend that Jethro and Anthony maintain it for longer than an hour. Jethro, I think you should attend to Anthony," and he pointed to Tony who still sat in his contorted position, eyes closed and humming.

Gibbs walked over to him and Vance winced in anticipation of seeing a head slap administered. He need not have worried, however. Gibbs knelt in front of Tony, put a hand on each side of Tony's face and said in a gentle voice, "time to return, Anthony. Come back."

Tony shuddered slightly and then opened his eyes, he blinked a couple of times and then smiled beatifically at everyone.

"Now," said Ducky, not wanting to disappoint the Director, "I wonder if you would all enjoy administering a hand massage. You seemed to be quite proficient at it last time and I have some new oils which I think you would appreciate."

The others nodded in agreement. Gibbs teamed up with Ducky and Tony paired with Vance and soon autopsy was filled with the heady aromas of geranium and sandalwood oils.

"Thank you, Tony," said the Director, as he retrieved his hand, "You have a very pleasant touch."

"And thank  _you_ , Director," said Tony, "you have a surprisingly gentle action for a former boxer."

Vance looked pleased at this compliment and stretched luxuriously.

"I shall put the kettle on," announced Ducky, "and I hope you will all join me for afternoon tea. I have some cucumber sandwiches, scones with jam and cream and a rather fine Battenberg cake."

"I would be delighted," said the Director, "and would you mind if I made the tea? I've been practising at home following your last lesson."

"Of course, Leon," said Ducky graciously, "now remember to make sure the water is really boiling and …"

"One spoonful of tea for each person and one for the pot," recited Vance.

"And warm the pot before adding the tea," said Tony.

"And take the pot to the kettle and not the kettle to the pot," added Gibbs.

"Splendid," said Ducky, "my work is done now that you Americans know how to make a proper cup of tea."

Ducky spread a linen tablecloth over one of the autopsy tables. Tony set out the Crown Derby china while Gibbs collected the silverware. The Director carefully carried the teapot over and covered it with a knitted tea cosy. They stared at the feast with pleasurable anticipation and then, at a sign from Ducky, sat down to eat.

The four enjoyed some stimulating conversation as they ate. Gibbs spoke of his continuing efforts to bake a perfect Victoria sponge cake, Tony brought them up to date with his progress in learning to play the pan-pipes, Leon told them about his new found pleasure in petit point embroidery and Ducky offered to give them an advanced class in aromatherapy.

By the time they had finished their meal and cleared everything away, it was after 17.00 and time to go home. They smiled at each other and went their reluctant, separate ways.

NCISNCIS

Ziva and McGee met in the elevator next morning.

"McGee, you look dreadful," said Ziva, "are you sure you should be here?"

"No," moaned Tim, "my allergies kept me up all night again. I'm never dumpster diving next to a garden centre again. I don't know what they put in that dumpster but it sure set me off sneezing."

"So, why are you here?" pressed Ziva.

"Wasn't sure if you'd be here today or not. Couldn't cope with the thought of leaving Gibbs and Tony alone together for another day. Who knows what would happen? You know how they can get on each other's nerves."

"You are right, Tim," agreed Ziva, "I would not want Tony to end up in the Emergency Room with a concussion from all those Gibbslaps."

"Or worse," said Tim gloomily.

"Indeed," said Ziva, "the murder of one of our co-workers is not a crime I would wish to investigate. Besides, we know that they cannot manage without us."

They emerged out of the elevator into the squad room. Ziva sniffed,

"What is that strange smell? What have they been up to?"

"I can't smell anyding," said McGee in a nasally voice, "allergies," he said apologetically, gesturing towards his red, swollen nose.

Tony and Gibbs came in at that moment.

"Good morrow, fellow workers," said Tony cheerily. Gibbs grunted a greeting.

"What is that smell?" demanded Ziva, striding up to Tony.

Tony inhaled; for a fleeting moment a soft smile appeared on his lips as the remnants of the previous day's essential oils reached his nostrils. He quickly schooled his expression into one of blankness,

"I can't smell anything, Ziva."

Ziva moved a bit nearer in a menacing way, "You must be able to smell it."

Tony obligingly sniffed again, "No," he said, "nothing. And I'm sure you know that I have the most acute sense of smell in this team."

Ziva was flummoxed (or would be if she had come across the word) but acknowledged that Tony's sense of smell was indeed very good. She stared hard at him but was met by his most irritating of bland looks. She considered her tactics but, before she could formulate a plan, she was distracted by the arrival of Director Vance.

"Agent David," he said.

"Good morning, Director," she replied.

"I assume you didn't get my message. About the additional day's training at Quantico?"

"I did hear something about it," admitted Ziva, "but I thought it must be a mistake. When I heard that Agent McGee was out sick, I knew you would not want Gibbs and Tony to be on their own here." She gave what she hoped was a winning smile.

"No," drawled Vance, "it wasn't a mistake. I consider it to be very important for you to attend the course on the US legal system with its particular emphasis on the jurisdiction of the various federal agencies and the importance of state law."

While Ziva tried to think of a riposte, Tim either coughed or laughed: it wasn't clear which but it drew the Director's attention.

"Agent McGee," he said, "it's good to see you back. Are you sure you're fit for duty?"

"Yes, Sir, I knew that Gibbs and Tony would need me, so I've come in," Tim replied.

"In that case, you're lucky. There's an extra space on the course that Agent David will be attending."

"You want  _me_  to go on that course?" asked an aghast McGee.

"I do," said the Director, "I consider attendance to be a requirement for all NCIS agents."

"But Tony hasn't been on it!" said McGee desperately.

Vance caught Tony's panicked expression and went on smoothly, "I meant to say, all agents below Senior Field Agent rank."

"But we will not get there in time," said Ziva, "the course will start very soon."

"Agent David," said the Director in a surprised tone, "I thought you were  _never_  late given how fast you drive? But don't worry, I will personally phone the course instructor and let him know that you may be late. I'll ask him, as a special favour, to stay on late to make sure you catch up with anything you miss."

"And perhaps you could keep an eye out for Mr Palmer on your way there," said Ducky as he came into the squad room, "it appears he has not yet arrived at Quantico to complete the errand I sent him on yesterday."

McGee and Ziva moodily gathered their belongings together in preparation for their trip to Quantico. The phone on Gibbs' desk rang and they paused hopefully.

"Gibbs," he answered, and listened intently, "on our way," he said. He stood up, already reaching for his weapon, "Petty Officer missing in Rock Creek Park," he announced.

"You will need us, will you not, Gibbs?" said Ziva.

"Boss?" said McGee in a pleading voice and with puppy dog eyes.

"Sec Nav has ordered that all personnel of Assistant Director rank and above should carry out five days of mandatory field work each year," announced Vance, "today seems a good opportunity for me to do some of mine. That will free Agents McGee and David to attend their training."

Tim and Ziva continued to look beseechingly at Gibbs but he just shrugged and said, "You heard the Director. Off you go."

The Director watched as Tim and Ziva walked as slowly as possible to the elevator. Once they were safely inside, he turned to Tony who was standing, back pack already in position, poised for action,

"No rush, Tony," he said, "take your time."

"So, we're not going to Rock Creek Park, Leon?" asked Gibbs.

"Oh, we're going to Rock Creek Park, Gibbs," he replied.

"But there's no missing Petty Officer?" hazarded Tony.

Leon seemed to think about this, "I'm sure there's a Petty Officer missing  _somewhere_ , there always is."

"Just not in Rock Creek Park?" said Gibbs.

Vance raised his shoulders in a noncommittal way.

"So what's the plan, Leon?" asked Ducky.

Vance rubbed his hands together excitedly, "I thought we could go looking for ley lines in Rock Creek Park!"

Gibbs nodded as if to agree that this would be a perfectly sensible use of the time of two federal agents, the director of a federal agency and a medical examiner, "OK," he said agreeably, "and who knows, we may run across a missing Petty Officer at the same time."

They gathered everything together and made their way to the elevator.

"Hey," said Tony, "while we're there, do you think we could …"

"Could what, Anthony?" asked Ducky gently.

"Do you think we could, well … hug a tree?"

"That's what they're there for," said Gibbs, patting him kindly on the shoulder.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't suppose this is what the characters get up to at all and, clearly, I don't own them – which is probably just as well because they would all be enormously fat given the amount of food I supply!


End file.
